WORK SUCKS ASS

WARNING: Typical blog post ahead.
"Today was my first day back to work after Jamaica. What a drag! Another boring rainy day! Even just moping around was exhausting today! I could barely finsh the ice cream and chocolate cake i had for lunch. What did i do to deserve this? Why was i being punished? Why is life constantly grinding down baby bunny rabbits with broken rainbows and serving me crushed glass turd slurpees? Turd slurpees are gross (the glass hurts my teeth), and the baby rabbits just lay there, nearly lifeless, while a tape loop plays a subliminal message encouraging the bunnies and I to give up on our dreams! Gasp! I cut myself a lot today... like a cake."
-from Oprah Winfrey's New Autobiography Piece of Cake: My Struggles With Actual Cake & More (Now with more actual cake!)