Wednesday, January 17, 2007

OPEN LOVE LETTER


FROM: SIRADRIAN@THEHOLYDOSE.BLOGSPOT.COM
SENT: Wednesday, January 17th, 3:48 AM Eastern
TO: HILARY SWANK, REESE WITHERSPOON, KATE HUDSON, SIENNA MILLER, RACHEL BILSSON, JESSICA SIMPSON
CC: JULIANNE MOORE, SCARLETT JOHANSSEN, WYNONA RYDER, JENNIFER CONNELLY, BEA ARTHUR, SARAH SILVERMAN, CAROL BURNETT, GIADA DELAURENTIS, CHAN MARSHALL, AND OPRAH (She's wicked rich!)
SUBJECT: MY LOVE FOR YOU

Dearest Famous Ladies,
I couldn't help but notice, you know, the whole breaking up with your boyfriend/husband thing. That must be hard, with all those tabloids airing your dirty laundry in front of millions of chubby fingered housewives pawing the latest copy of In Touch, just to catch a glimpse of your ex and his trashy flavor of the week starlet/Victoria's Secret model/MTV host at the latest red carpet event. If you ever want to talk about it, I'm here for you. Just throwing that out there. You can do whatever with that info; all I'm saying is hear me out.
I'm not talking about anything serious. I'm looking for more of a 100% fun time/rebound fling. Or we can just get a cup of coffee and just talk. You owe me at least that much. If that sounds boring, you're absolutely right. I know you celebrity types are wild and i know it gets awfully hot (and lonely) in L.A! (I'm talking to you Bea Arthur! Bea-kini Carwash anyone? What? Its for charity!)
About me: I'm moving in to my own place soon. (Bye mom! Since getting off of probation, she's been a real pain in the ass. Psych! I'm not technically off probation... yet!) I just got a promotion at the Chip factory to 5th Chippe Chip-Press operator. I'm also an inventor. I created a pill for bums that makes them shit bathroom cleaner and patented a hotline you can call when you're eating chips, that'll bring you dip, no questions asked!

I included a recent photo. Well, ball's in your court now. Seriously, call me.
xoxo,
Adrian

Webmasters: I would settle for a machine that could combine all of these women (and Oprah's $$$) into anyone of the "first list's" body. I pay top dollar, in World's of Warcraft Gold! Seriously!


2 comments:

camarofox said...

it's things like these that make me wonder every day why you are not worldwide famous. more famous than you already are, of course...god i love you buddy!

katie said...

you may be a picky eater, but man, i love you. rats off to ya!